Geek Girl, Loud and Proud...So why am I still embarrassed?

I'm a Marvel Girl.  Except for Batman.
Dark, mysterious, sexy and has a
butler.  I can get behind that.  

So I wear my Nerdiness on my sleeve.  I do not make any attempt to hide it.  I consider it one of my defining characteristics.  Yet still when someone calls me out on it, even in a "That's awesome!  We're in this together!" kind of way it makes me kind of shy and embarrassed.  I do not understand why!  This weekend my phone rang while I was in a patient's room.  The dad listened intently to my ringtone and said, "Is that from Skyrim?"  In fact it was. My ringtone is From Past to Present. Chosen specifically because it is my favorite song from the soundtrack and I thought it would be less recognizable than the main theme.  I embarassedly nodded yes to which he replied, "Ah now I get it." pointing to my lanyard.  Some of you may remember that I had to replace my "I Love Boobies" lanyard a few months ago.  I replaced it with one featuring Marvel Comics characters.  I was able to get over my initial embarrassment and have a lovely conversation with them about gaming but I continue to be embarrassed by my initial...embarrassment.

Zelda!
(Link in the background.)

I do know I am trying to raise my next generation of Geek Girls without this particular trait.  Now don't get me wrong, if my girls want to be sporty or feminine or whatever, I'll celebrate that too but no doubt about it, they're little mini-nerds.   The boys too but I'm talking girls today.   I don't make them watch Doctor Who, they choose to.  I may have introduced them to Dungeons and Dragons but they're the ones that beg to play.   And trust me I wish my 7 year old had never uttered the phrase, "You're watching The Walking Dead without me!!!" which I've heard multiple times as I sneak watch since I think zombies are not so much appropriate for little girls.

Super Hero!

Mini-10th Doctor with capable companions.

At a recent foray in a Comic Book store my 11 year old noted that we were the only females in the store.  It was pretty full store too because they were having a Magic The Gathering tournament at the time.  My response to her was, "You'll get used to it and you'll love it when you're 16!"  But she was right.  It was a little weird.  I'd say that my discomfort is about feeling like a minority but I have it when talking with other women too, be they fellow Whovians or gamers or anything else.  This leads me to believe that it must be a holdover from my childhood when nerdiness wasn't cool.  It was punished by isolation and taunting.  You kept it hidden except among the most trusted of friends.  I'm going to keep trying to conquer those childhood issues.  I'm pushing on and going try to be a role model for my daughters.  I won't be changing my ringtone or my lanyard.  I want them to be proud of their quirks and obsessions.  That's part of what makes them who they are.  I want them to be confident in that.