Geek Girl, Loud and Proud...So why am I still embarrassed?

I'm a Marvel Girl.  Except for Batman.
Dark, mysterious, sexy and has a
butler.  I can get behind that.  

So I wear my Nerdiness on my sleeve.  I do not make any attempt to hide it.  I consider it one of my defining characteristics.  Yet still when someone calls me out on it, even in a "That's awesome!  We're in this together!" kind of way it makes me kind of shy and embarrassed.  I do not understand why!  This weekend my phone rang while I was in a patient's room.  The dad listened intently to my ringtone and said, "Is that from Skyrim?"  In fact it was. My ringtone is From Past to Present. Chosen specifically because it is my favorite song from the soundtrack and I thought it would be less recognizable than the main theme.  I embarassedly nodded yes to which he replied, "Ah now I get it." pointing to my lanyard.  Some of you may remember that I had to replace my "I Love Boobies" lanyard a few months ago.  I replaced it with one featuring Marvel Comics characters.  I was able to get over my initial embarrassment and have a lovely conversation with them about gaming but I continue to be embarrassed by my initial...embarrassment.

Zelda!
(Link in the background.)

I do know I am trying to raise my next generation of Geek Girls without this particular trait.  Now don't get me wrong, if my girls want to be sporty or feminine or whatever, I'll celebrate that too but no doubt about it, they're little mini-nerds.   The boys too but I'm talking girls today.   I don't make them watch Doctor Who, they choose to.  I may have introduced them to Dungeons and Dragons but they're the ones that beg to play.   And trust me I wish my 7 year old had never uttered the phrase, "You're watching The Walking Dead without me!!!" which I've heard multiple times as I sneak watch since I think zombies are not so much appropriate for little girls.

Super Hero!

Mini-10th Doctor with capable companions.

At a recent foray in a Comic Book store my 11 year old noted that we were the only females in the store.  It was pretty full store too because they were having a Magic The Gathering tournament at the time.  My response to her was, "You'll get used to it and you'll love it when you're 16!"  But she was right.  It was a little weird.  I'd say that my discomfort is about feeling like a minority but I have it when talking with other women too, be they fellow Whovians or gamers or anything else.  This leads me to believe that it must be a holdover from my childhood when nerdiness wasn't cool.  It was punished by isolation and taunting.  You kept it hidden except among the most trusted of friends.  I'm going to keep trying to conquer those childhood issues.  I'm pushing on and going try to be a role model for my daughters.  I won't be changing my ringtone or my lanyard.  I want them to be proud of their quirks and obsessions.  That's part of what makes them who they are.  I want them to be confident in that.

It's probably only me...

I spend way too much time thinking about breastfeeding for someone who is no longer nursing herself.  I get that.  That's why I consider myself a Boob Nerd.  I'm obsessive about it, which for my job I guess is a good thing.  For my personal life, maybe not as much.  I know my childless girlfriends are like, "OK we get it.  Now shut up about it!"  But it informs the way I look at the world in a very specific way.

Take The Walking Dead for example.  I was so looking forward to Lori's death because I just hated that bitch so hard. (Sarah Wayne Callies you are a truly amazing actress to get me to want to punch your character in the face for an hour each week yet still love the show so much.  I have loved it even more for my hatred of Lori.  Carl too at first, but he's redeemed himself for shooting his mom in the face.[I know, I'm a terrible human being.])  But with all my looking forward to Lori's demise, I was pretty sure they wouldn't kill off the baby in the TV show.  You can build so much drama around children in danger, it would have been wasteful to kill off mom and baby at the same time.  So that lead to much concern on my part about how this kid would get fed.  Literally I thought about this.  I know.

Hershel says they have to go out to get formula--Me: NO!!!


But I know I'm in the minority.  Normal people do not think
about those things when they are watching escapist television.

Put the baby to breast!!!!  You CAN make the milk!!!!

Of course Ganger babies probably don't need  milk

I also worried about poor baby Melody/River's ability to nurse in Doctor Who.  Because that's how I roll.   Luckily I was saved from that worry because The Doctor speaks baby and she wouldn't call Amy "big milk thing" if milk didn't come from her.  Mind eased.

Then there are thing like this that make me very happy.  From The New Normal:

And the episode of the office when Jim and Pam have their first baby and the lactation consultant is a man.  Awesome.  I love the subversion of putting a man in a role primarily filled by women.  The Mindy Project did the same with the male midwife brothers.  Love that.  But back to the office.  The episode is called The Delivery Part 2 and also in the middle of the night she nurses the roomate's baby on accident.  A fun cameo of The Big Bang Theory's Melissa Rausch as the roomate.  Of course it's all completely fictionalized and you have to take it with a grain of salt but still one of the best comedic breastfeeding portrayals in television.  Points for realism for the "bottles are fine, send the baby to the nursery" nurse.  That really happens.